there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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