Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The uberlube is also flammable
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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