I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
