She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
