True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
