I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
