I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
