We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize