i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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