But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....