I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
