just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
