Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize