I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
