I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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