my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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