It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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