Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
