Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
