hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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