We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
