I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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