Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
birth control should be required to get into college
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
