I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
