I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
