we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
