I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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