he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Be still, my beating vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
