he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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