so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
