You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
