Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
