I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
