This is not my ceiling
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
