I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
