Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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