I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
