drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
