So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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