I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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