i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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