So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
