Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
