your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
