I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
