allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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