my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
