btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
