last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
