Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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