We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
