I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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