U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
