Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
