i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
