Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Houston, we have a blender
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
