This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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