There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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