Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
