I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
