so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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