I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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