Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
