whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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