Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
