There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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