hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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