her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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