Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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